Watch these trailers and see if they don't grab your attention! These would be perfect gifts for a family, for grandchildren, or for your own family! If you'd like more information, follow THIS link to the Moore Family Film website for additional inspiring resources. Thanks to the Moore family, our ABC Say It With Me dvd is on its way and, Lord willing, will arrive to Argentina toward the end of March. Thank you!!!
Showing posts with label Word Filled Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Word Filled Home. Show all posts
Sibling Rivalry (Part II)
Sibling rivalry, bickering, arguing, tattling, etc...whatever you wish to call it, it's one of those things that can wear you out as a parent! In Sibling Rivalry (Part I), we covered some preliminaries, or some basics, if you will. But then comes the nitty-gritty HOW TO of sibling rivalry. Now let me note that some families deal more with this issue than others. It has much to do with birth order, gender, age gaps, and the number of children you have. It also has a lot to do with the spirit of the family, the relationship between parents, as well as other variables. For the purpose of this blog, we won't get into these issues as much. We'd like to focus on how to handle sibling rivalry on an every day basis.
There are many different approaches, or schools of thought, on how to deal with sibling rivalry. There are those who insist on having fairness for all. These are the parents who pull out the timer and make notes on who had what & when. They think they are teaching their kids to 'play fair' and to share, but in reality they are just simply teaching their kids that when Mommy or Daddy is looking (and acting as referee), things need to be done a certain way. Does this approach help foster a change in heart and behavior?
Then there are those at the other end of the spectrum. These are the parents who want to promote 'democracy' instead of having a mini re-creation of socialism. They divide the toys, they take votes, they let the children try to manage their own arguments and seldom interfere. Their idea is that kids need to learn their 'pecking order,' among other things. Is this how God is with us? Does He sit back and let us 'duke it out?' Does He try to promote democracy among us?
We have found that the best approach is the "present approach." What is this? This means you are present in your kid's lives and you are in tune to what is going on in their little hearts. Why are they acting like this? Why is Johnny so selfish lately? Why is Suzie always tattling on her brother? What are the character issues that are being demonstrated lately? This is the parent who will cater his/her interventions to the child, the situation, and the issues at hand. Sorry, there is no pat answer. There is no magical approach that will make sibling rivalry disappear. But, look at the bright side! God has given parents the tools, the gift of this precious time in which you can help model and teach your children to deal with conflict. Because, as you know, they will always face it - ALWAYS! They need to know how to deal with it in a Godly way.
Remember that in Part I we talked about bathing this issue in prayer? We wrote about praying scriptures specific to this issue? Well, begin today! In 1 Thessalonians 3:12 we have a model prayer by Paul as he himself was burdened and in prayer for the unity among these believers. Also, you could use Hebrews 13:1 or Romans 15:5. Write these verses on note cards and post them above the kitchen sink or on the dashboard in your car. Read and pray these verses for your children daily! God WILL work.
Another underlying goal you have to have in all this is to teach your children scripture through these times and trials. Like we see in 2 Tim. 3:15 where we learn that Timothy knew the scriptures from childhood. Let's teach our kids how to deal with conflict. If they are too small for you to be able to really talk through these issues, model the principles and they will learn by doing. You can train your children even when they are too young to "reason with."
We'd like to create a list of ideas on how we approach conflict among siblings. These are not placed in a special order. Some are guiding principles we use as we teach/train about dealing with conflict and some ideas are specific how-to's:
1) Teach your kids to deal with issues promptly. Teach them that scripture says not to let the sun go down on your anger (Eph. 4:26). Teach them the dangers of bitterness.
2) WITH THE EXCEPTION OF DANGER (which we train our children about), we teach our kids that if they resort to the "judge" (bringing the issue before a parent) two things will happen. #1, they are opening themselves up for examination, judgement and trial as well. This is scriptural... Matt. 7:1-6; Matt 18:15-17. Have you noticed that in most conflicts there is not only one guilty party? We want our children to learn how to respond properly to resolve conflict, rather than causing it to escalate. #2, both parties get a consequence. Why? Because we want to condition them to learn to deal with conflict on their own. We want to teach and train them how to do it, of course. Our desire is that they would only bring the conflict to us as a last resort. This isn't a "natural" behavior. It is a learned behavior and God has given us an awesome way to deal with conflict. So, we expect our kids to learn to deal with it without the need for Mommy or Daddy to intervene. Keep in mind, however, that when we hear them bickering or arguing, we aren't fast to get into it. We usually wait, listen, pray, and we see how they choose to deal with it. Remember, this is not with regards to danger (physical fighting, big sister hurting little brother, etc).
3) In terms of training them on how to deal with conflict... A great resource for doing this can be found on Doorposts.com. The resource is called "The Brother Offended" and it comes with a book and laminated poster to help teach your children how NOT to deal with conflict, as well as how to deal with it biblically. These are some of the specific things we teach our children:
9) Sometimes there is a need for one appointed child to be in charge. For example, some of the children are asking for a snack and you need to step out to another room for a few minutes. You appoint one child (the most responsible and trustworty) to be in charge and teach the others to submit to them. If a child 'breaks a rule,' the one in charge has the authority to send them away from the table, etc. This also teaches all the children to respect the appointed authority.
**A note on boys: We have found that God has gifted boys so differently than girls. Unfortunately, we often make home life very feminine and have unrealistic expectations of our boys, as if they will act like the girls. But this is not how God made them. God made them rowdy, energetic, bossy, wanting to rule, strong, with the need to compete. When we make our home environments so that boys cannot exert their energy, their 'rule', their strength, it stifles the boys. It can actually cause more conflict, more problems, more frustration. Honestly, this topic in and of itself deserves a whole different post, but for the sake of the larger topic at hand, let's try to cover some basics.
If you have daughters older than your son(s), the girls are naturally going to want to use their "mothering natures" to control the environment. This will irritate the boys. They want to rule and dominate. Boys will often pester and pick fights because they want to be in charge, they need to compete, etc. The girls can't stand this disorderly conduct and cry out for help. So what should you do? Give the boys areas of dominion. These are areas in which they rule and the girls cannot tell them how or when to do it. Give them responsibilities that use their strength. Resist the temptation to make it all equal with the girls. Do not let the girls be the ones to do this job you gave the boys. Let only the boys do it and teach/model for the girls how to praise the boys for their diligence, etc. Let the boys run off their steam. They need a lot more outdoor time than girls do. You will find this to be true if you homeschool your children. Give all of your children opportunities to take a break and get some fresh air outside. Be especially mindful of this need in your boys. You may want to try, if possible, to have the boys home-school in a different area than the girls. Make sure that their "sitting still" time is not too long. Let them be in charge of certain areas of the yard and be the one "in authority" so they can practice and have an outlet for that God-given instinct.
Well, we hope these points have been helpful as you prayerfully seek God's direction in this important area. If you have additional ideas or comments, please leave a comment so other's can also be blessed.
There are many different approaches, or schools of thought, on how to deal with sibling rivalry. There are those who insist on having fairness for all. These are the parents who pull out the timer and make notes on who had what & when. They think they are teaching their kids to 'play fair' and to share, but in reality they are just simply teaching their kids that when Mommy or Daddy is looking (and acting as referee), things need to be done a certain way. Does this approach help foster a change in heart and behavior?
Then there are those at the other end of the spectrum. These are the parents who want to promote 'democracy' instead of having a mini re-creation of socialism. They divide the toys, they take votes, they let the children try to manage their own arguments and seldom interfere. Their idea is that kids need to learn their 'pecking order,' among other things. Is this how God is with us? Does He sit back and let us 'duke it out?' Does He try to promote democracy among us?
We have found that the best approach is the "present approach." What is this? This means you are present in your kid's lives and you are in tune to what is going on in their little hearts. Why are they acting like this? Why is Johnny so selfish lately? Why is Suzie always tattling on her brother? What are the character issues that are being demonstrated lately? This is the parent who will cater his/her interventions to the child, the situation, and the issues at hand. Sorry, there is no pat answer. There is no magical approach that will make sibling rivalry disappear. But, look at the bright side! God has given parents the tools, the gift of this precious time in which you can help model and teach your children to deal with conflict. Because, as you know, they will always face it - ALWAYS! They need to know how to deal with it in a Godly way.
Remember that in Part I we talked about bathing this issue in prayer? We wrote about praying scriptures specific to this issue? Well, begin today! In 1 Thessalonians 3:12 we have a model prayer by Paul as he himself was burdened and in prayer for the unity among these believers. Also, you could use Hebrews 13:1 or Romans 15:5. Write these verses on note cards and post them above the kitchen sink or on the dashboard in your car. Read and pray these verses for your children daily! God WILL work.
Another underlying goal you have to have in all this is to teach your children scripture through these times and trials. Like we see in 2 Tim. 3:15 where we learn that Timothy knew the scriptures from childhood. Let's teach our kids how to deal with conflict. If they are too small for you to be able to really talk through these issues, model the principles and they will learn by doing. You can train your children even when they are too young to "reason with."
We'd like to create a list of ideas on how we approach conflict among siblings. These are not placed in a special order. Some are guiding principles we use as we teach/train about dealing with conflict and some ideas are specific how-to's:
1) Teach your kids to deal with issues promptly. Teach them that scripture says not to let the sun go down on your anger (Eph. 4:26). Teach them the dangers of bitterness.
2) WITH THE EXCEPTION OF DANGER (which we train our children about), we teach our kids that if they resort to the "judge" (bringing the issue before a parent) two things will happen. #1, they are opening themselves up for examination, judgement and trial as well. This is scriptural... Matt. 7:1-6; Matt 18:15-17. Have you noticed that in most conflicts there is not only one guilty party? We want our children to learn how to respond properly to resolve conflict, rather than causing it to escalate. #2, both parties get a consequence. Why? Because we want to condition them to learn to deal with conflict on their own. We want to teach and train them how to do it, of course. Our desire is that they would only bring the conflict to us as a last resort. This isn't a "natural" behavior. It is a learned behavior and God has given us an awesome way to deal with conflict. So, we expect our kids to learn to deal with it without the need for Mommy or Daddy to intervene. Keep in mind, however, that when we hear them bickering or arguing, we aren't fast to get into it. We usually wait, listen, pray, and we see how they choose to deal with it. Remember, this is not with regards to danger (physical fighting, big sister hurting little brother, etc).
3) In terms of training them on how to deal with conflict... A great resource for doing this can be found on Doorposts.com. The resource is called "The Brother Offended" and it comes with a book and laminated poster to help teach your children how NOT to deal with conflict, as well as how to deal with it biblically. These are some of the specific things we teach our children:
- Conflict is going to happen (it is inevitable).
- How to deal with the pestering sibling by getting away and having time apart, by blessing them (Rom 12:14), by not seeking revenge (Romans 12:17-19), by praying for the situation, etc.
- The teaching of casting lots (see Proverbs 18:18) to help decide who chooses what they do next, or who gets the turn. They also need to learn to take turns.
- Scripture teaches us to be humble in conflict (1 Cor 6:7), willing to be cheated or wronged. We, as parents, would do well in modeling this for our children.
- How to ask forgiveness and to pardon.
4) We always want to give our kids an outlet to vent their frustrations with us. We want them to be able to come to us with their problems or questions, etc. So we teach them that if they see a pattern of behavior in one of their siblings, they should come to us with the issue ALONE and in PRIVATE. We are big advocates for not shaming each other. When tattling happens it most often happens in front of the offender as well as others. Tattling can be a way of revenge and belittling others and is not appropriate. We teach the kids to, instead, come to us 'quietly' with the issue. This is how we take our conflicts to the Lord. He wants us to come to Him for direction. We will listen to the child, pray with them asking God to give both them and us wisdom, and then we may offer some ideas on how to deal with the issue. We also then look at ways we can be purposeful in dealing with the character issue that was brought before us.
5) Sometimes, if the offender continues to disrupt the peaceful scene and we see the others trying to handle it as we have instructed them, we will intervene, often by removing the offender from the situation. This practice breaks their fellowship with the others for a while. We do not like to send them to their rooms or send them away because the solitude will usually not bring about change. Instead, we ask that child to come with us and we apply a gardening principle. Young tomato plants need close direction, which is why they are "staked" to a stick. We apply this truth by bringing the child alongside us for a time as we continue in our daily tasks. During this time, we look for opportunities to involve them in what needs to be done. This allows us to invest more in them, fill their little cups, talk about the issue, and reinforce our expectations. You may think that this is a reward for them instead of a consequence. Actually, initially they see it as a consequence because they don't get what they want (the toy, playing with siblings, their way, etc). Eventually they do see the benefit in it, and we see a change in heart.
6) During our daily evening Bible Time, we have a time of "dealing with offenses" and ask all the members of the family to make things right before we proceed with the scripture reading, singing, praying, etc. (See Mat. 5:23-24 and Eph. 4:26.
7) As parents, we model the behavior we want our kids to have. We also may use 'acting' to visually teach our kids what behavior we want them to have during conflict, or behaviors to avoid. This is especially good for visual learners, little ones with short attention spans, etc. Sometimes we use puppets to act out the scene because even in the acting, we don't want the kids to be confused and think Mommy and Daddy are fighting.
8) A rather 'new' thing we are trying to incorporate in our weekly schedule is a time for each child to have with Daddy for "pow-wow's." This is a time where each child who wants to can have a time to talk privately with Daddy about whatever is on their heart. When we have done this, often the topic of conflict comes up and it gives the child and father a time to pray for the issue and talk it over. It is a time of listening to the hearts of our children. This idea came from the Maxwell family of Titus2.com.
9) Sometimes there is a need for one appointed child to be in charge. For example, some of the children are asking for a snack and you need to step out to another room for a few minutes. You appoint one child (the most responsible and trustworty) to be in charge and teach the others to submit to them. If a child 'breaks a rule,' the one in charge has the authority to send them away from the table, etc. This also teaches all the children to respect the appointed authority.
**A note on boys: We have found that God has gifted boys so differently than girls. Unfortunately, we often make home life very feminine and have unrealistic expectations of our boys, as if they will act like the girls. But this is not how God made them. God made them rowdy, energetic, bossy, wanting to rule, strong, with the need to compete. When we make our home environments so that boys cannot exert their energy, their 'rule', their strength, it stifles the boys. It can actually cause more conflict, more problems, more frustration. Honestly, this topic in and of itself deserves a whole different post, but for the sake of the larger topic at hand, let's try to cover some basics.
If you have daughters older than your son(s), the girls are naturally going to want to use their "mothering natures" to control the environment. This will irritate the boys. They want to rule and dominate. Boys will often pester and pick fights because they want to be in charge, they need to compete, etc. The girls can't stand this disorderly conduct and cry out for help. So what should you do? Give the boys areas of dominion. These are areas in which they rule and the girls cannot tell them how or when to do it. Give them responsibilities that use their strength. Resist the temptation to make it all equal with the girls. Do not let the girls be the ones to do this job you gave the boys. Let only the boys do it and teach/model for the girls how to praise the boys for their diligence, etc. Let the boys run off their steam. They need a lot more outdoor time than girls do. You will find this to be true if you homeschool your children. Give all of your children opportunities to take a break and get some fresh air outside. Be especially mindful of this need in your boys. You may want to try, if possible, to have the boys home-school in a different area than the girls. Make sure that their "sitting still" time is not too long. Let them be in charge of certain areas of the yard and be the one "in authority" so they can practice and have an outlet for that God-given instinct.
Well, we hope these points have been helpful as you prayerfully seek God's direction in this important area. If you have additional ideas or comments, please leave a comment so other's can also be blessed.
Sibling Rivalry (Part I)
1) Relax, you're not alone... Sibling Rivalry IS NATURAL
Really? Natural? Yep! It's in our nature. Our fallen, self-centered, all-about-me nature. So, relax... YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PARENT DEALING WITH THIS! But guess what? Now is the perfect place and time to teach our children how to handle conflict. Rest, our Heavenly Father has already given us wonderful guidelines we can follow.
2) P-R-A-Y as if EVERYTHING Depends on it!
You know what? It does! Do you not have a daily prayer plan? I mean scriptures you pray for your family each day? Don't worry if you don't...we didn't either until a year ago. It's NEVER too late to begin intentionally praying for your children each day. One note of caution: when you begin to pray scriptures for them each day, you WILL see God at work and you'll wonder why in the world you waited this long to come lay these burdens at His feet. So, pray! Pray for wisdom, direction, and insight.
*Note: if you are interested in our personalized family prayer notebook, we hope to post about it soon. If you already have one in place, feel free to share it with others in the comment section.
3) Look in the Mirror
Yes, ask God to show you if what you are seeing in your kids is in any way a reflection of your character and the way you are dealing with the Lord, with your spouse, your children, and others. Believe it or not, many times what we see the kids doing is a mirror image of what we are doing. Aren't they fast learners?!!
Now what I am about to share won't seem in any way related to sibling rivalry but, believe me, it DOES relate. Read on...
Call it a routine or call it a schedule. Keep it flexible but KEEP IT! If you have toddlers, this is extremely important. We have a daily routine in our home...from sun-up to sun-down. Do we ever veer off of it? Of course! Do we ever tweek it? Certainly! But, overall, we have a routine set up and this helps tremendously. The times we are traveling, or we get off our schedule for several days, are the times when we see the most conflict between the kids.
Since we have four young children and we homeschool, this issue of having a routine is HUGE. I just can't stress it enough. Otherwise, we woudn't get anything done. Having a routine gives everyone a sense of purpose and accomplishment. It keeps the kids industrous and focused. Of course there are free times during our days but these are also built into our routine. Other aspects built into our routine are rest times (for Mommy and kids), meal times (plus prep and clean-up), schooling time, play-times, etc.
This topic alone would take a long time to elaborate on so I will try to include a post focusing simply on daily/weekly/monthly routines. I will also list out several of the best books on this subject we have read.
5) MUSIC
Once again, you are wondering...how does this relate? Well, when you have wonderful, uplifting music playing in your home, it helps lessen conflicts. I am not talking about silly music. And, most kid music out there (spiritual or secular) is nothing but silly. No, I am talking about melodious music. Music that perhaps your children know the words to and can sing along; this can include children's hymn cds, praise and worship music, instrumental music, or classical music. We find that the kids' focus will often be on the music and their lips will many times be following along. So, there's not much opportunity for bickering.
6) Break-time!
This is a deliberate time, each day, to have some rest. This sort of falls into the category of routine. For the little ones, this will mean a nap. For the older ones, this will mean a QUIET rest time in a designated place. For some kids, they could be looking at books or drawing on a magnadoodle. For others, it could mean just laying in bed listening to a Bible story cd. Whatever you choose, this is an everyday thing. And Mom, this can be your time to kick your feet up and recharge for a few minutes as well. You need it!
7) Join In!
Depending on the age of your children and stage of your family, this might look a little different. One thing is for sure, there are lots of ways kids can help around the house. Having a daily chore system in your home can help keep the kids focused and feeling good about how they pitch in and help the family. They each have their chores or jurisdictions and if they don't do it, it just doesn't get done. They feel important. Others see their accomplishment. Big brother sees you praising little sister for a job well done or for her diligence, etc. Before you know it, big brother begins to copy this because he sees you do it every day so it is natural to him.
8) TIME!
This is by far one of the most important aspects of dealing with sibling rivalry. Are you deliberately spending time each day with your children? Are you pouring into them? Are you filling their little love cups? This is essential. When they are "running on low" there tend to be more problems. If you have more than two children, spending time with each child individually can seem overwhelming, but it is a must. It doesn't mean you have to sit down to play a game with each one. For some, it can mean reading a book to them, for others it may be special to join you in one of your chores. The point here is that if you just seem to live through each day without getting to spend as much time with them as you'd like...REVAMP your schedule because it doesn't matter what other things get done or not...the children are eternal but the laundry isn't!
OK, so now you are wondering if we will ever get to the real HOW TO of sibling rivalry...we will! Just remember, the above elements are the starting point! Moving forward without first dealing with the issues we just covered will simply be "crowd control" and this is not what we're aiming for. We'd love to share some more on what the Lord is teaching us. Please come back and check out Part II which we will post in the next few days.
NOTE: In the meantime, check out the wonderful book, Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends.
Don't Buy It!
One of the most valuable things God has taught our family over the past year is to STOP before we buy something. Whether the item be big or small, a need or a want, He has taught us to stop and pray about it as a family.
For the past year, we have lived off the emergency fund we built up for many years. We had sensed God leading us back to the States from having been overseas for 8 1/2 years. Coming back into the American job and economic crisis has been very hard, to say the least. It felt as though everything we put our hand to was not flourishing. Eric has worked a few different jobs and has also done some supply preaching and teaching on the side but it seemed as though we could never get ahead. Praise the Lord, we have no debt so that wasn't a concern for our family.
Of course, many loving and caring people would give us money here or there - including family. They knew it was a rocky time for us. In the midst of this difficult time, God taught us a valuable lesson. He taught us something so basic, something so Biblical, something so vital that EVERY believer, rich or poor, needs to do! God used the Financial Freedom seminar by Jim Sammons to teach us this principle and we are forever thankful for learning it! The lesson was to purpose to pray for each need and want as a family.
If you are well to do, it might be harder for you to do this because you will be tempted to think that you don't need to "bother" God with these matters. But whether you are rich or poor, you CAN purpose to do this! When we began, we found that not only did God supply ALL our needs (and some of our wants) but that he would give us an amazing story to share!
To give you an example... One day, while at Goodwill, my wife and daughter spotted a play kitchen set. This was certainly not a need for our family! Most of our children's toys and special items remain overseas and even though we didn't have a lot of toys for them here, it still wasn't a need. My wife decided to let me know about the set and asked if I'd look at it to see the quality, etc. So my oldest daughter and I went to look it over and talk about it. Having learned this principle, we both walked away from the toy and headed toward the door of the store. On the way, I said: "Olivia, I'd like us to pray about that play set to see if perhaps God would like to give it to us or not. Perhaps He'd rather us not spend our money on that for now." She agreed and we began to softly pray together on our way out the store. Before we reached the door, however, one of the store clerks came running to us asking us to take the play kitchen set with us. We told her we were praying about it but weren't ready to purchase it. She then told us that someone had just purchased it for us. Neither of us could believe what we were hearing! Apparently, someone in the store had seen Olivia and I looking at the set and decided they wanted to purchase it on our behalf. The strange thing is that we never saw anyone else close to the toy area that day and every time Olivia and I would talk to each other, it was in a very low volume.
Well, guess what? When we got to the car with the large toy kitchen AND this amazing story to tell the rest of the family - it was awesome! Our kids not only learned a valuable lesson about allowing God to provide that day but they also learned that God cares about the "small" things as well. They couldn't keep silent about the matter and told everyone they met up with. Devotions with Daddy - Part IV
Ok, so we’ve discussed the need for Daddy to lead the children in their daily quiet time. (Devotions with Daddy – Part I) We’ve presented ideas for how Daddy can lead while away, (Part II) as well as possible passages or Biblical themes to use (Part III). We still need to address a few important questions. What if the Daddy is not a Christian? What if he has no interest in leading his children in this way? How can you, the wife, get him to do it? Guess what? You shouldn’t try! Bear with me for a few minutes; I believe it will make sense.
1 Peter 3:1-6 addresses several key issues which apply directly to the subject at hand. The verses immediately preceding this passage (1 Pet. 2:21-25) speak of the sacrifice Christ made for us, and how “…when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not…” Then, chapter 3:1 states: “Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your husbands…” I realize I may have already lost some of you on this because of how the world has distorted the woman’s view of being in subjection, or submitting. A Biblical view of submission, however, is vastly different from the distorted image presented to us by the world. Remember the context of a key passage that speaks to this topic, where husbands are told to love their wives “…as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” (Eph. 5:25). Husbands would do well to imitate that love! Now, back to the topic at hand… Wives are challenged in 1 Pet. 3:1 on how to deal with unbelieving husbands. The husband can be won (to Christ), not by the wife’s persuasive speech, but rather by her silence. Are you willing to let God speak to your husband, through His Holy Spirit, to convict him of sin, rebuke him, correct him, etc.? You’ll find God to be much more successful than you. What can you do, then? PRAY! Come before the Father daily in prayer for your husband. Pray that you will submit daily in such a way that your gentle and joyful spirit will be a testimony to your husband.
Relating to the devotional time, then, I suggest you pray about that as well. Whether or not your husband is a believer, he may think it is a good idea, but doesn’t want to (or cannot) lead the child himself. You can show respect for your husband, and allow him to direct the quiet time by seeking his counsel. Ask him which passages you should lead your child through. Discuss with your husband the things your child is learning through this. Be sure to point out to your child that the passage you are studying is the one Daddy directed. Be careful! Don’t try to manipulate him into leading! By the way, slipping copies of this article under his pillow will probably not help either.
If you (wives) end up leading your children in the quiet time, God can still bless. I believe Timothy gives a good example of a godly young man who was influenced by the faith of his mother and grandmother (2 Tim. 1:5). It is vital that you do everything you can to show your child that you respect, honor, and love their Daddy. Don’t criticize him for not leading. Don’t vent your frustrations toward him with your child. The end result will be disastrous, spiritually.
One last thing to remember is that you, as a mother, have an incredible opportunity to help set the tone in your home. You have the amazing privilege of blessing your family. How? This can only be achieved through your gentle and joyful spirit – not through a critical and sarcastic attitude. There are countless ways in which you can share the wonderful Word of God with your children. You can teach them as you work with them, as you train them, and as you play with them. It would be far better to have a mother like the one described here than to have one who sits to have a quiet time each day with her children but who has bitterness and criticism toward her husband, constantly causing dissention in her home. You see, it’s more than merely reading and learning God’s Word; the Truth must be lived out in love. (James 1:22).
- Eric
Scripture Memory
We have found that the best way to build scripture memory into our daily schedule is to learn and review our passages around a mealtime. Lunchtime works best for us. It takes a lot of work to keep up with the verses we're trying to memorize but it's worth it! If you'd like a REALLY practical idea on how to "house" and review what you are learning, check out this wonderful Scripture Memory Systerm video!
Thank you Sonya and Karen! (by http://simplycharlottemason.com/)
Disclaimer: we do not follow the Charlotte Mason approach in our homeschooling, but believe this system for scripture memory review is very practical!
For the word of God [is] quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and [is] a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
We would love to hear from you! Feel free to share any practical ideas you have found regarding scripture memory learning as a family. It would be great to hear from our readers living in other countries! - Eric and Kristi
Devotions With Daddy ( Part III)
As you undertake the task of leading your child (pre-readers) in their quiet time, the first and most important thing you can do is bathe this in prayer. Ask God to show you key passages in His Word so that you might feed your child spiritually. He is faithful!
- Speech, thoughts – Ps. 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight,…” Teach, and model, that our speech and thoughts are to be pleasing to the Lord.
- Obedience – Eph. 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” Your children may never struggle with obedience (), we’ve had our kids learn this verse… just in case!
- Gratefulness – Heb. 13:15 – “…the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name.” It’s important to sow seeds of gratefulness in the lives of our children. We must, of course, model it ourselves!
- Creation – They will constantly be bombarded by Darwinian teachings, they better know the truth first!
- David & Goliath – Every one of us faces “giants”, but God is faithful to see us through.
- Brevity is important – A 3-5 year old child will not stay focused very long. This is not the time for an expository sermon! I try to keep these devotional recordings to a maximum of 3-4 minutes.
- Application – Perhaps the most significant element to be modeled here is that God’s Word can and must be applied to our lives. We don’t need to introduce this as a story book. Our kids need to see how the Bible is relevant every day.
- Vocabulary – remember the limitations of your child. Do your best to avoid the church vocabulary or big theological terms.
- Prayer – be sure to include prayer in the time (whether live and in-person, or recorded). Our children are blessed to hear us pray for them. When I am physically present, I ask my child to pray first, and then I pray for them.
- Praise – On several of the recordings, I sang through a children’s song and invited them to sing along with me. Then, I would encourage them to continue singing that song throughout the day. If you choose the right songs, they will help communicate the truth of God’s Word.
Devotions with Daddy (Part II)
In Devotions with Daddy – Part I, I shared part of my journey in leading my younger children (the pre-readers) in their daily quiet time. But, what if the father’s work schedule will not allow for this time with the child in the morning?
Last year, my wife told me of an added benefit when I had to travel away from home for a few days. All the kids were missing daddy (I don’t travel alone often), so the audio CD was put in the stereo while they played. All four kids played a little more happily with the sound of daddy’s voice sharing the truth of God’s Word with them!
Putting together these simple recordings isn’t difficult AND can be very rewarding! It doesn’t have to be studio quality. I will cover some specific ideas on how to do this in Devotions with Daddy - Part III.
It is my conviction that children be led by their father in this area of their lives (1 Cor. 11:3). It doesn’t mean that mother cannot help remind the children to have their quiet time or that mother cannot be there to read the passages when Daddy is away. But it is a time that needs to be father-led and father directed.*
In closing, there will be times when keeping up the consistency of your normal, every-day, routine is going to be difficult. Sometimes family Bible time, individual quiet times, or early morning Proverb/Psalm reading will need to be changed up a bit. During times of travel, illness, or when you are hosting people in your home, it is normal to expect some disruption in the schedule; there is constantly a need for flexibility. It is good to remember that the schedule is there to help us and not to hinder us!
*I realize that there will be circumstances diferent than ours in which the father is absent physically, relationally, emotionally, or spiritually. In these cases, what should the mother do? This is a great question that I would like to address, to the best of my ability, in Devotions with Daddy (Part IV). - Eric
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At the time the Lord began to teach me how to lead my little ones in their personal quiet times, I was working outside the home in a recording studio and had occasional trips which would take me away for a few days. I remember editing some audio files in the studio, when the Lord showed me a solution to this obstacle. He directed me to begin recording short daily devotions and compile them onto an audio CD my 3 yr. old could listen to in the morning. We saw joy fill the eyes of my daughter the next morning when we set up the CD player and she heard my voice. That was more than enough confirmation to me that this was something that should be continued. I then began developing many more of these short (3-5 minutes) devotionals for recording onto audio CD’s. As we’ve had more children, we’ve passed these CDs down to the newest toddler/preschooler, and we’ve all enjoyed watching their excitement to hear daddy lead them in the study of God’s Word.
Our child will sit on a designated mat or rug, close to the CD player, and listen to the devotion while staying in his/her place. If they are really young, my wife will have them do this close to where she is at that time in their schedule. I believe it is important for others nearby to hear what the child is hearing. This way, mommy (or a sibling) can comment on what the toddler just heard. In some of the recordings, I sang a short hymn or song and encouraged the toddler to sing it throughout the day (Eph. 5:19). Since other family members can also hear the devotional thought, there is a special accountability present.
Last year, my wife told me of an added benefit when I had to travel away from home for a few days. All the kids were missing daddy (I don’t travel alone often), so the audio CD was put in the stereo while they played. All four kids played a little more happily with the sound of daddy’s voice sharing the truth of God’s Word with them!
Putting together these simple recordings isn’t difficult AND can be very rewarding! It doesn’t have to be studio quality. I will cover some specific ideas on how to do this in Devotions with Daddy - Part III.
It is my conviction that children be led by their father in this area of their lives (1 Cor. 11:3). It doesn’t mean that mother cannot help remind the children to have their quiet time or that mother cannot be there to read the passages when Daddy is away. But it is a time that needs to be father-led and father directed.*
In closing, there will be times when keeping up the consistency of your normal, every-day, routine is going to be difficult. Sometimes family Bible time, individual quiet times, or early morning Proverb/Psalm reading will need to be changed up a bit. During times of travel, illness, or when you are hosting people in your home, it is normal to expect some disruption in the schedule; there is constantly a need for flexibility. It is good to remember that the schedule is there to help us and not to hinder us!
*I realize that there will be circumstances diferent than ours in which the father is absent physically, relationally, emotionally, or spiritually. In these cases, what should the mother do? This is a great question that I would like to address, to the best of my ability, in Devotions with Daddy (Part IV). - Eric
Devotions With Daddy (Part I)
Truthfully, while I was excited about the possibility of instilling this vital discipline into the life of my child at this young age, knowing it would bear fruit for eternity, I had to address the questions of how to accomplish this with a non-literate child.
I found that there are at least two ways this can be done. The first way applies to those of us who work from home (as I currently do). The second way (covered in Devotions with Daddy - Part II) applies to those fathers who work outside the home or who travel part of the time, as was my case several years ago.
Currently, with one of my pre-readers, we are working our way through the gospel of Luke. We read through a short section together, talk about it, answer questions, look for a truth to apply to our lives, and then spend some time praying for each other. I find that spending these moments together with my child are times of bonding and fellowship.
Once my children develop their reading and comprehension, I begin to direct them toward the book of the Bible they should study. They will often read a section or chapter each day, have a prayer time, and begin learning the discipline of journaling. They may come and ask questions about what they’ve read, or I might ask them to share what the Lord taught them that day.
I realize some people might say this is pointless because a young child isn’t going to get much out of their daily quiet time. Still others would argue that we need to use fun and colorful books geared toward each child’s age and learning level in order to capture their attention and “speak to them.” I disagree. Our kids love reading through the stories of God’s Word, and seeing the pattern of God’s activity in the lives of His people. Although I will often ask questions to help my child engage in the passage, I am frequently amazed at the questions our kids ask. I like modeling the importance of going straight to God’s Word and of teaching them that it is “living and powerful” (Hebrews 4:12). I don’t want our kids to grow up thinking that if it isn’t fun, silly, or colorful, it isn’t worth it. Instead, my prayer is that they would develop a love, hunger, and thirst for God’s Word. Really, the daily quiet time doesn’t have to be long or complicated…just purposeful and consistent.
May I add a disclaimer? We are not a perfect family. I am not a perfect father. We struggle with consistency sometimes. We experience growing pains...even when it comes to implementing our daily quiet times. One thing is for sure, God is there to faithfully help us and teach us. To Him be all glory! - Eric
Well of Water Springing Up Into Everlasting Life
Every evening, our family gathers for a time to read God's Word, pray, and sometimes sing together. With several very young children, we try to keep this time fun. Sometimes the kids like to "act out" the story of the evening and at other times we simply read the passage and talk a little about it. There are all sorts of creative things we have tried during these Bible times. It has become such an engrafted part of our daily life that none of us like to skip it.
Tonight's passage was John 4, a chapter in which the Samaritan woman has a life changing encounter with our Lord Jesus. An encounter that not only brought conviction, but also confession. An encounter that didn't bring the typical condemnation, but rather conversion. Not only is this the type of encounter we each must have with Jesus, it is the type of well water we must allow to spring up through our lives into the lives of others, namely our children. Do you have the joy of the Lord? Do your children see it, feel it, and taste it?
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